The Flashes of Blue that Freeze the Blood
by PhoenixSongs
Summary: he's back home now, his father talks to him, but Zuko still isn't happy, and that's because he can't get a certain water bender of his mind, she haunts his dreams as well as his waking hours and it is driving him insane... With guilt...
1. The Lightning Flash

All was as it should be.

The palace, the gardens, they had not been changed by the passing of time, still as glorious and great and wondrous as they had been all those years ago. But the exotic flowers, they did not inspire his curiosity, they did not catch his eye as they had done before, the sounds of the turtle ducks did not soothe him. The Prince - in his regal robes of red - stood at the waters edge, looking around his beloved home, the home he had ached for, all these years he had been gone every thought had been turned to this one place, why was it not enough?

Zuko sank to the dry bristling grass at his feet, his robes creased but he did not care. Many years before this place had been his escape, his mother had held him at the waters edge, feeding the turtle ducks and listening to her warm voice tells stories of ancient origins that made little sense but it did not matter. Now it seemed wrong.

'Why so grumpy Zuzu?' came the mocking voice of Azula, he inclined his head to his sister, her sarcastic smile, her small, cruel eyes.

He looked away.

'Zuko,' her voice came seriously now, 'Tell me what is wrong,' she ordered. Her eyes flashed - Zuko knew they had even though he did not see.

Her voice raised now, even though it would attract the attention of the night guards, 'It is late, go to sleep, Father wants you at the War Meeting tomorrow,'

'Does he?' His voice threatened, the words came out a hoarse hiss, 'He wants his son there. His perfect, loyal, brave, Fire Nation son, who's to say i am that person?' He asked himself more than he asked Azula, she would yield no answers to his overworked mind.

'You are his son, he is proud, happy at your return, do not dishonour yourself again, Zuzu, you were gone from your home for long enough.' with that she was gone, her form vanishing into the night air like smoke. Zuko returned to his silent misery, the water was still, the turtle ducks had gone with the appearance of Azula.

Honour. It had ruled his life. Or maybe destroyed was the correct word, or perhaps saved, Zuko did not know. What was the scar on his face? Was it a trophy of his trials and of his triumph? A mark that would never leave him and always remind him and everyone of his foolishness, his dishonour? Was it a sign that he should have run long ago?

Zuko pondered how much easier life would be without it. Of course, he had lost his only chance to be free of it. Abruptly the water was to similar, he looked away, but he had already seen the face in it's reflection. Her face. He tried to close his mind but failed, she was there, tearing away at his consciousness, pulling every memory he wanted to avoid and every emotion he never wanted from the depths of his head. Her blue robes rippling, her chocolate hair flying, her sapphire eyes glowing with a malice so terrible he wanted to burn under it's accusations, she was there. Her flowing voice filled his head as the fury of his betrayal dawned on her, her fury enhancing her battle, he could see in her eyes the hurt there, but she was strong, she would not be hurt, so instead she hurt back.

But then those images were gone, replaced by something that hurt more; with a smell of burning flesh and a flicker of terrible light she was lost to him. She held the boy in her arms, her blue eyes were watering, as streams of tears fell from her dear, beautiful eyes, but they were different now; the eyes which forever showed the deepest forms of hate and heart, fury and forgiveness, peace and war he had always seen everything she felt, but now, it was gone, her eyes were empty, just blue as she stared into his eyes. Not shining with anything but tears, not flashing with anything but the bland reflection of fire, no hope. That was the what that he had always seen in her eyes, and now it was gone, dead, gone like a doused fire or evaporated like drop of water in a raging fire. And she wasn't Katara, brave Water Bender anymore, the girl that had always hindered his eternal search for the Avatar, she was gone. Just like the Avatar and just like the hope of all the world. And every tear she shed had silently, painfully and eternally shattered his heart.


	2. Homes

Home was a strange word to him.

He had said it many times, and he had been certain he knew it's meaning, he believed home was his palace, the sweltering heat, the surrounding guards, the Turtleducks, he believed home was a place where he was prince, where his father excepted him and loved him, where he was adored by so many and had no notion of the true world. He believed the Fire Nation was his home.

How wrong can one man be?

Zuko sat in the moonlight, surrounded by the the pond her had loved as a youth, the pond where the Turtleducks sat and where he had spent his days. But it did not feel like home. he looked at the black water, rippling as the wind swept by. He did not feel the cold of the midnight breeze as he pondered homes.

He had had many, here was his first, the place he had always felt right, but even that had dimmed when his mother was gone. After that there was his ship, surrounded by a crew that hated him. But still, there was uncle with him, uncle had always been kind, and attentive and good to him, uncle was gone now, and maybe that was one of the reasons he did not feel at home, he had been with uncle so long. When his ship was gone there was little places to call 'home' he was a fugitive, and so he had lived like one, rarely stopping in a true 'home' a cave, a crook in the trees of an old wood, a barn that a kind old family had let him stay in. There had been nowhere the same for a long time. Until uncle had returned and they had found their way to Ba Sing Sa. it was strange, the many places that had been his home over the years, none had felt more… homely, until the dear tea shop - the Jasmine Dragon, that uncle was so proud of. But even that was not home; you are not home when one that was once Iroh was now Mooshi, and one that was Zuko, was now Lee, can you be home when no one knows who you are? no. Zuko lamented. you can't.

Zuko looked into his reflection, who was he? Was he Price Zuko, Crown prince, honourable heir to the Throne? Was he Nephew, the name he had wherever he traveled with uncle? Or was he perhaps Lee, his alias in Ba Sing Se, serving tea to kind customers that engaged him in jokes and conversation and left him tips because they were kind.

The sun was starting to rise over the place walls, the black pond was quickly turning blue, so blue, like crystal, shimmering in the light, a blue he knew well.

Perhaps home was place he had never considered before, perhaps home did not consist of walls or work or decoration, perhaps home could be a person. perhaps home could be one person, the only person.

Zuko had looked into the depths of her crystalline eyes and he had been certain for that brief moment that home was here, in those eyes, and in those arms, and the only music he needed would have been the melody of her voice, the only sustenance her love, and the only thing he wanted was her smiles, but that was all gone in another moment. as the world and the walls shattered his home was gone, running towards his enemy, embracing the boy he could never be, and the boy he could never be embracing the girl he wanted more than life itself. And it had hurt. She had walked away with no second thought, away from him and it had hurt. It had hurt more than the fire that had scarred him, hurt more than his shame, than his anger and than any injury.

Because she was gone. And it still hurt. And he had made it worse. His hurt had blinded him, and he had fought her, his sister was not someone he had ever trusted, but when the blue eyed girl had turned away from him the world had shifted, his mind had blurred and he had not know who's side was right, and his hurt had hurt her more than anyone as lovely as her should ever be hurt. Because she was good and kind and caring and beautiful and one of a kind - she was everything he was not, and she did not deserve the pain that he and his sister and his entire culture had caused. She did not deserve to be an orphan because of his country's greed, she did not deserve to bury her friend in the ground because he had chosen the wrong side, and she did not deserve the heart break he had seen in her eyes, or the tears that she had shed across the body of a dead child.

Her name was Katara. She was from the Southern Water tribe. She had eyes of the deepest blue and a heart of purest gold. She had touched his scarred face and she had not looked away. She could have given him a new life. But his twisted mind had destroyed hers instead. And she could have been, not his escape, but his salvation. She could have been home.

Because home does not consist of walls or treasures or titles. Home is not a place. Home is a feeling. Home was a feeling he had felt in her eyes and a feeling he had thrown away.

Zuko pondered throwing himself into the small pond, letting the blue water encase him and hold him and take him, letting the water that was such a part of her drown him, letting his fiery life end in such cool and peaceful way, would it be better? Would it be easier? Would he not have to worry about guilt and war and pride and honour anymore? He leaned forward, his face inches from the rippling surface of the water, breathing in the scent of the fresh water, it could not be described as a scent, just a feeling, the feeling of cool peace, of warmth as well, of sustenance and beauty. Zuko wondered how the water would feel as it chocked him. A part of him whispered maliciously, but deliciously, that it would feel like home, that every droplet of water would feel like her cool skin, and that every sparkling speck of water would be her watching eyes.

He imagined ending everything. Maybe wherever he went after he was gone he could see her again. Because wherever she was, he was home.


	3. Of Foolish Dreams

That was not possible. He was stressed, worried, perhaps he was actually asleep and this was all a dream, because there was no possibility she had risked so much just to taunt him. If she truly was here it would be mere seconds before the guards arrested her, and she was far to important to risk her freedom just to look at him with those eyes; those judging, hurt and accusing eyes, but that still seemed… forgiving. her slim form seemed to ripple, never still, forever moving, she took a step across the surface of the water and she was closer to him than she should be. she reached out a cool hand to his face, to his scar, like she had done before, her expression was unreadable but her eyes… her eyes, a thousand emotions shone beneath their surface, the blue shifting and dancing in the low lights of the moon. he saw hurt, his betrayal, of course it had hurt her. Pain, obviously, he remembered the feelings that had gripped his stomach when a burst of orange flames had erupted from his fist and slammed her into the crystals behind, her eyes had closed, and he had never felt the same as when she lay still, hair flowing around her face like liquid. He thought he had killed her.

But flickering in her eyes there were the old emotions, the forgiveness he knew he did not deserve, the love that she gave unconditionally, the laughter at the darkest of times, and he could not look away.

'you made the wrong choice…' her soft voice whispered as crystal tears fell from her eyes, still caressing her puckered scar.

'i know,' he shut his eyes, hating himself, hating who and where and what he was, and he was not ashamed that he wept.

'Do you regret it?' she asked, her eyes burned into his, he could not reply, he nodded, his eyes closed and tears fell faster and faster from both of their eyes.

'Then why are you still making the wrong choices?' her hands released his face, she took a step back, his eyes opened and she looked afraid of him,

'Don't… Leave me…' his arms reached towards her, but she stepped back again, her grace made her look even more frightened, he reached her, and his hand wrapped around her wrist, his eyes begged her to stay, she relented and touched his face again, her eyes sparkled by the light of the moon,

'why are you still here?' she murmured,

'i'm not so sure i want to be anymore…' he reached a hand to touch her face, to feel her cool skin, he pushed back the strange loops in her hair that made her look so sweet, so beautiful, but when his fingers touched her skin there was the scent of burning flesh and she cried out in pain, clasping the side of her face, he stared at his hands, confused, afraid, and guilty, she stumbled backwards, her face in her hands, and when she met his eyes again from too far away her face mirrored his scar, her coconut skin was marred by the foul, ugly scar that had ruined his past and it would ruin her future. And it was all his fault.

She had sunk to her knees and streams dripped from her eyes, he knelt beside her, trying to help but he did not know what he could do, she pushed him away, her eyes blazing.

'this is all your doing. All you fault. Your life has destroyed the lives of hundreds. Your choices have brought death and destruction and ruin and rubble.' And with those words her form sank into the water, her hair, her body, her clothes, all becoming translucent and with a harsh bubbling she was nothing but water in the pond around him. low ripplers spread from where she once was. He grasped his face in guilt as he knelt alone. Because she was gone. But her words would forever be trapped in his mind.


	4. The Little Things

blue eyes and red cloaks.

Red.

All red. So red; bloody, passionate, intense _Red. _

Zuko wore red, his guards wore red, the crowds wore red, the houses were red, he wore jewels of red, banners of red flew in every direction.

Can you drown in red?

Red, Scarlet, Ruby,

The streets utterly ablaze with such a colour,

Crimson, Maroon, _Sapphire_.

Sapphire? That could not be right.

Zuko stared towards the part in the crowds he had seen that flash of blue, that icy, steely, blue. But he could see nothing.

Had he imagined it? Had his mind been so overwhelmed by the scorching red his head had placed a flash of cooling blue?

Zuko craned his neck to observe the crowds that bowed to him; but he saw no blue. He saw silky black hair, Red silks and satins, native to his great country. He shook his head, assuming he had imagined it; but when he did he saw that blue again, not in the same place but it was the same blue; and when he saw it the same thoughts bounced around inside his skull, not allowing him to think about anything else but that colour.

He whipped his head back to the blue's source. He did not see blue. He saw something that made his heart pound in… Terror? no, Zuko was not afraid of what he saw, he felt sad when he saw it.

Because he saw no blue this time.

He saw a woman with her back to him; she wore an outfit of red silks and ruffles, her caramel hair tied in perfect Fire Nation style. He watched her slide a red Fire Nation insignia into it. But it was not right.

Because that girl was not Fire Nation.

That was a girl with blue eyes like the ocean.

And draped in red he could almost see her kind warmth, her loving eyes, go unnoticed by all as she was forced into the role of Fire Nation. She walked away with the simple grace he knew well of her, but she turned as she stood to the corner of a street; her blue eyes crept up to meet his.

She looked sad.


	5. Upon The Ember Isles

Ember island was beautiful; the golden sands, the blazing sun, the intricate and majestic houses, the palm trees that grew to the sky.

Ember island was like an oasis; a place that people were not as bound by mannerisms or convention, on Ember island it did not matter if you were the son of the Fire Lord or the daughter of a lowly foot soldier, all the children of the Fire Nation came here. and as Prince Zuko stared of the bow of the wide, regal ship that brought him back here after so long he could not help but marvel at how little it had changed… maybe that was why he loved it so much; this was a place that was such a part of him, but he had not been here for so many years, that he could almost pretend he was the little boy that had stayed here with his beloved family.

He turned his head away; angry with himself. He could never be that little boy anymore.

He looked towards the others passengers on the ship; his sister, Azula, practising her lightning; watching the blue sparks fizzle in her hands with a smile that clearly stated her own brilliance. Ty Lee was practising her handstands, her long legs straight in the air, her toes pointed, a smile on her face that was so happy and joyful she looked ready to break heart. The there was Mai; the girl everyone expected to be his girlfriend, she was sitting in the shade of the ships cabin, glaring at everything in sight. Zuko sighed as the ship docked…

Azula, Mai and Ty lee had gone to the beach, desperate to leave the confines of the small, seashell pattern and musty smelling house that belonged to Lo and Li, Zuko had stayed behind, in no hurry to be around his sister or her physcopathic friends, to much of any of them was far too much, even his own sister… maybe especially his own sister. Zuko looked out of the window; ignoring the slight movement going on behind him.

'Prince Zuko,' Said one of the ancient twins - he did not care to turn around to see which one was speaking.

'why don't you go to the beach?' said one

'The sun is shining,' they spoke in perfect synchronisation,

'It would be good to enjoy the games down there,' did they practise every conversation or just know each other's minds?

'Perhaps you should practice the magic of ember island,' Zuko turned, not wanting to hear more about smoothing rocks and old proverbs, sure enough they were each holding a shining, smooth rock in their hands, brushing their wrinkled fingertips across it's surface as though it lived like an owl cat.

'Ember island smooths away all sharp edges, Prince Zuko.' Zuko sighed angrily, grabbed a shirt that lay on his bed and stormed from the room before they came up with any other proverbs - it was too like Uncle.

Zuko did not go to the beach as he had planned. He threw open the door from the house and walked, just walked although he had no destination in mind. He stopped quite abruptly when he came to a fork in the road and he found it hopelessly more symbolic than he wanted.

One fork led to the beach. The beach filled with Fire Nation teenagers, his sister included, this was the path he was meant to take. It was clearer; the bushes along the sides clean cut and lined with scarlet flowers, he could see the golden sands from here, hear the shouting, laughing, happy teens, the trees planted specifically to a plan. But it was not the path he wanted to take. This was a path that he had walked many times, in both the past years and the past few days. Always with his sister, always leading to the same thing, and what was the point of doing something over and over again and expecting different results? **(Author interruption - that's the basis for an Einstein quote! i'm a genius xx) **He shook his head, and looked towards the other path; it was over grown, the trees close cut together and the path twisted and turned and he could not see where it led, but it was beautiful; through the close trees he saw flashes of the golden sunset that he had not seen his last two nights on the island. And the trees were dotted with beautiful flowers and fruits in exotic colours, giving of perfumes he had never smelt before, he breathed deeply. And without conscious thought he was walked; hearing birds and other creatures chatter and sing in the canopy. He had never seen this part of Ember Island before.

He walked for what seemed like a long time; until the shouts of the Fire Nation teenagers were long since lost and the trees begun to thin his vision was almost blinded by the golden sun, the sky shot through with a thousand shades of pink and orange and blue and purple as the sun balanced on the seas of a deserted beach.

Zuko emerged from the throng of the trees that seemed intent on keeping the strange hidden haven away from prying eyes, his attention shifted to his right where he saw something more lovely than all of Ember Island, than any sunset or exotic flower, In a field of Fire Lilies, there stood a figure in satin red, framed by her dark hair and sunset behind her she looked angelic - Zuko wondered if this was Agni's own secret hideaway, for all things beautiful in the world. She held a bundle of Fire Lilies in her arms - they stood in contrast to her dark arms, Zuko wondered if this girl came from the Fire Nation Colonies. She seemed lost in thought,floating through the field of delicate flowers, stooping to inspect almost every single blossom she walked past, picking a few more, he watched as she fastened one in her soft dark curls, setting of both colours magically.

And then the illusion was shattered when there came a shout from far away, she turned, her daydream lost, and she looked… scared? A figure appeared, having climbed the steep slope that encircled the field, there was a short figure with him - though Zuko was unsure whether it was a girl or a boy,

'Hey, Sugar Queen?' shouted the little one, catching her attention,

'Where have you been?' the taller said accusingly - Zuko could not see his face but his voice sounded familiar, the girl smiled and relaxed, skipping over to the boy happily, stopping a few feet away from him, Zuko found jealousy boil in his stomach that this may be her boyfriend.

'Don't worry, i've been here all along,' came a sing-song voice that only someone so beautiful could utter. She motioned to the Fire Lilies in her arms'Aren't they beautiful?' he was upset that, in standing in exact way of the sun she had become a mere shadow.

'Lovely,' He said sarcastically, whoever this boy was he did not deserve her. 'But we are trying to pack up our camp so we can leave.'

The shorter one piped up suddenly,

'And we wouldn't want to _only pull our own weight, _would we?' the girl and the shorter one laughed,

'I know, I know, i will help, but why do we have to leave so soon?' her voice filled with sadness, and Zuko almost felt his heart break, both in reverence to her but also because if she left he would never see her again.

'You can pick _flowers_ anywhere, whoever the capacity of us being murdered is by far higher than most other places that have flowers.' the taller mocked. Zuko was confused, who would want to hurt this beautiful girl?

'But theses are _Fire Lilies!' _she moped.

'The _schedule_, Little Sister! _The Schedule!' _He yelped, holing out a long scroll - and Zuko wanted to praise Agni, this was her brother- she may still be single. 'We are two day behind already!'

'And heaven forbid we get behind on the schedule!' quipped the little one, who laughed alongside the girl,

'The we can stand to be a few _more_ days behind!' She laughed, tucking a Fire Lilly into a button hole in his shirt, and another behind the short one ear. Then she skipped away from him, back into the light where he could see her beauty in true colour, rather than far away silhouette,

'I'll give you ten minutes, if your not here we are leaving without you.' Zuko sank to the ground and crossed his legs - enthralled by her,

'I love you, Big Brother!' She cried, she swept her hands over the top of the fire lilies her face a pure picture of peace and beauty. But then she stopped. Her face was turned towards his, her eyes widened, she had seen him, he stood up, intending to speak to her, but she turned on her heels and ran, the fire lilies flew from her arms, a trail of bloody red, in a reflex he followed, not wanting he to leave because he was almost certain he would never see her agin,

'Wait!' he eyelid at her retreating form, though she was already far away down the hill, at the bottom she in a small group of teenaged people he could not see well, he stopped, not wanting to intrude, although desperately wanting to run down to her, to speak with her.

The threw bundles of things onto a large hill covered in moss, a small boy with dark hair and a head band catching each one a fastening it to the boulder - clearly these people were insane. but in less than a minute they them themselves clambered onto the boulder, the dark haired boy spoke with a resounding

'Yip-Yip' That cooled Zuko's blood. The boulder moved; rising into the air, moving and the moss that covered it wafted away, revealing creamy fur of an animal with great horns and an arrow on his head.

Zuko stood dead still. Knowing beyond a doubt who the beautiful girl was. He pondered attacking but could not bring himself to do it as the animal flew away from the island and he caught the shortest glance of the girl looking at him. He picked a Fire Lilly that had dropped to the ground, running a finger across the silky petals. And the Zuko turned for his home, a smile on his face as the sunset became night.

Sitting on his bed, the Fire Lilly in a small vase on his night stand he smiled again, knowing, beyond certainty of a doubt, that he _would_ be seeing the beautiful girl again.

Zuko rolled over, looking at the moon's glow reflect of the flower, and smiled as he fell into a world of dear sweet dreams; about blue eyes, sunsets, and fields of Fire Lilies…

**(Is Zuko a stalker? funny how in my eyes Zuko magically happens to be wherever she is…)**

**Please review! constructive criticism very welcome,, **

**xx**


	6. Dancing in the Darkness

She was entrancing.

Zuko tried and failed a thousand times to look away but his eyes always crept back to her.

He tried to turn and walkaway but he was rooted to the spot on the cobbled street, crowds pushed around him but he was steady as a rock.

He wished with all his might to either turn and leave and not think back to this day, or to walk toward her and fold her in his arms and never let his lips leave hers.

But he could do neither.

The sound of the twinkling music was eradicated along with the sounds of the clapping and baying crowds. Because the music that the little brunette boy upon the floor did not matter. at that point nothing mattered. In his head there was no crowd, there were no angry Fire Nation guards trying to make her stop, there was no brunette with a flute.

In his head she was dancing, and he was dancing with her.

Right and wrong ceased to exist along with his common sense as he strode to the fore front of the crowd, pushing past the random villagers,

manners were also lost to him.

Robes in a scarlet that made her dark skin look like chocolate adorned her figure, her soft curls swung about her face as she moved, her bare feet even looked delicate as she she kicked them up and rolled onto her toes and swung in quick succession.

But, while these trivial beauties drew the young princes attention what kept them where her eyes, the sparkling cerulean orbs danced even more than her body did, flashing in the street torches, gleaming with life, and they looked straight into his and they stayed there.

The heavy cloak around his shoulders hid him rom most people that did not look closely, but she would have seen his scar, she would have known who the boy with golden eyes and vicious scar was, but she didn't turn, or run, or scream, she didn't glare, or weep, or accuse.

Her lips turned into a knowing smile, and her eyes glittered all the more, as though her eyes were made of the stars themselves.

The music stopped, the street filled with cheers and applause, as though she were dancing on a stage in a great theatre, rather than on a raised platform of stone in the centre of a street, she did not seem to acknowledge the cheers, no the rain of gold and silver and copper pieces that rained down; collected by a blue eyes teenager with the same woodsy hair, a boy he despised but would gladly think of as a brother if it made her happy.

And then she spoke with an angels voice, he did not hear her words but her voice, and then the boos and groans that followed her statement, the crowds dispersed slowly although Zuko did not move still staring in awe at the water tribe maiden that he had met in half a dozen many different circumstances - he had to admit that this meeting was his favourite.

She ignored him now; fastening a cloak around her delicate shoulders and looked towards her friends, or was family a better word, Zuko thought morosely, pondering how close his gang of… enemy's - he admitted sadly - were.

Sound still seemed to elude the young Fire Bender, and so he did not hear the approaching guard nor the cough he made to capture his attention, or the accusations read to her or the clanking of chains as they begun attempting to imprison her for doing such a heinous crime of - _gasp - _dancing, Zuko rolled his eyes ready to intervene when he saw a move as graceful as her dance whip around and encase them both in a block of ice, a laugh like music flew from her lips and she leapt from the platform in a delicate leap, taking of down the street with a laugh that made his heart soar.

**it's been while - sorry, been super busy, don;t hold it against me!**

**i am really running out of random scenarios for them to meet up,, if anyone has any ideas then please tell me!**

**xx**


	7. Game Over

He awoke each morning,

He attended the correct meetings and said the right thing,

He kissed Mai, beautiful and noble, the choice my father approved of.

But every bow, every applause to his intellect,

Every touch and... Every kiss…

None of it meant anything.

It was a lie, a falsehood, a farce, a game and a pretend,

A dear wish, a desperate plea for normality.

But after a while each pretend begins to waver,

Each lie loses it's sheen,

You begin to hate the things you aren't.

You begin to hate everything and everyone that believes every lie and yourself for every pretend you present.

And Zuko had long since passed the point of pure self hatred.

He hated the royal palace, he hated the servants and cooks and everyone that bowed to his every whim, he detested protocol and the importance of regulation in every situation, he hated red more than he hated his demonic sister, the generals that circled the palace like baying animals were despicable, the royal balls that seemed to happen daily were like torture to him, and the rich foods prepared with fear to his family were like eating lead.

But what did he hate most about this horrific life?

He hated his father.

With his flowing robes that long hair and deep and offending voice, the voice that he had once made him feel at home and safe, but now rang true with hate and mocking laughs, false love and kindness, all had been there before, just going unnoticed by a child's ears.

But he hated himself even more somehow.

It was him that had betrayed the Avatar.

Him that had sentenced the world to never ending servitude to the wrong side.

And him that had signed the warrant for her death.

Because he had been fool, telling his sister who she was, what she was, and because of that desperate yearning for her acceptance that he would never get and no longer wanted, she would be dead the second she was found.

And he would rather be in her shoes now than his.

Hunted and hated, or beloved and cherished by the scum of the world?

Hated, Hated, Hated, always hated!

Zuko longed to be hated, he longed to live with a selected few of honest people that an army of more liars.

Zuko didn't like liars anymore.

Zuko really really hated liars.

But he need only keep up his charade a little longer.

Soon enough the entire world would be honest enough to hate him.

Fear tends to negate honesty.

Too often has honesty been unimportant in affairs of the world and heart and head.

Zuko had had enough of the games.

Zuko was surrendering.

Because winning the game isn't always the most important thing.

Sometimes knowing when to put an end to the game is enough.

**I think this will be the last one,, can i really do more situations like this? Please give me some inspiration! **

**xx**


	8. Bloody Red

Maybe a smarter man would have stayed within the confines of the palace; a place with bowing servants and silk beds and anything desirable on demand.

But no, Zuko had decided to wander aimlessly around his home town, in the pitch black, too lost in thoughts to think about activists and spies and assassination.

But, thus, it was not violence that was his undoing; but something else entirely.

His interest was peaked by the strangest flash of gold down a dark alley way that had caught the light.

Strolling leisurely forward he had come across a sight that excited and terrified him; unconscious, nameless soldiers lay strewn across the floor, and - of course - his mind went to the permeant feature that forever remained implanted in his head.

He waited for the water bender to drop agilely from the surrounding roves, threaten and flirt like she always seemed to do in his dreams.

But no water ender appeared.

No blue clad figure, no lilting laugh, not a shred of curling brown hair.

Nothing.

Katara was not here.

And that thought made Zuko want to yell and scream, punch and kick, weep and wilt.

He turned, holding in his thoughts, eager to keep his disappointment to himself.

A ragged gasp of pain sounded in the dark.

Zuko whipped around, desperate and joyous and heartbroken.

The sound was low but near, Zuko scuffled desperately, searching and preying that he was correct, saving _his _Water bender, not just any Water Tribe girl.

And then; there she was, for real, up close, no fantasy, not in a any false impression, dressed in the blue that matched her eyes.

'Hello,' Her voice rasped, her face almost made a smile, but she was acting - her strength and power waning - her hands clutched the bloody gash at her side, spewing his colour.

Red was a horrible colour.

Red was killing her.

Always had been, always would be.

But he, dressed in the dreaded colour, scooped her from the ground, fitting her into his arms, for she belonged there, safe and warm.

Forever his.

She would not die from his colour.

He picked her up and he ran, away from the bloody sunrise, back into the cooling confines of the dark.

Running from his colour.


	9. Why

Why did her heart stop?

Why, when she was done, did the world continue?

Why were insects still clicking and leaping and crawling?

Why were the flames he had created still dancing and burning?

Why did the water in the basin ripple where he knocked it?

Why did the wind surrounding his camp whistle,

Why did pebbles and dirt shift beneath his feet?

Why was the world not stopping, in reverence to her?

Why was the sun still glaring? Warming? Why was it giving life to all things that didn't matter while the only life he cared about anymore was gone.

Why was the world; the four nations, not joined now? Silent on their grief, alike in loss and pain, the like of which he thought impossible.

Why was there still a world for him when she wasn't in it?

Why would he ever want that?

Why was Zuko so...

Why could Zuko not understand even himself at this point?

Why was his mind a muddled mess, questioning and analysing and coming up blank?

Why was the world so dark now?

Except that's the only real answer he knows now.

He knows this one thing beyond any certainty.

And as his mind unravels, loosens and twists and turns,

This fact remains, implanted, keeping sane and insane at the same time.

Because she was his sun.

Why is there is no sun now?


End file.
